2014 Review

For the past few years I've done a year-end review based on an article from Whole Living magazine.  Here's this year's (read last year's review here):

THE PAST YEAR:

How have you spent your time?

It's hard to believe that this time last year I was in San Antonio, TX with frozen pipes in a campground filled with frosty cacti.  It's hard to believe that at the beginning of 2014 I was still on the road with my family.  It seems like yesterday and yet...  so far away.


Near the beginning of the year we were exploring Petroglyphs and sledding at White Sands.  We made our way to San Diego and up the Pacific Coast to Washington.  We spent most of our time exploring, living, breathing deeply in the stuff of life.

In the spring we bought a piece of land in Asheville, NC and in April, we ended our trip when we moved here.

Since then we've been rooting down slowly.  Still living in the bus, we've managed to establish some semblance of community, move the bus to the land, and begin building a house.  It should be finished by the coming spring.

We've been through some financial crisis as Michael changed jobs.  We spent a lot of time reassessing our lives and putting the pieces of who we became on our year on the road together into something that makes sense in "polite society".  I've spent a lot of time just thinking.  Thinking and thinking about who the heck I even am and what the heck I'm even doing.  I've spent a lot of time feeling like parts of myself needed to catch up to other parts. 

What are you grateful for?

I am grateful for the home and community we are building here in Asheville.  I am also intensely grateful for the relationships I have been able to maintain (sometimes poorly) around the country and the love I feel from those people.

What were your sorrows and disappointments?  How did they change you?

There was so much disappointment about Michael's job.  We were told that he could continue to telework as we lived here and once we began to actually build our house we were told he couldn't telework any longer, so he spent a lot of time commuting to Maryland, leaving me and the kids here alone.  We eventually decided after much turmoil that the arrangement was simply not sustainable, and he quit working in Maryland and found a new job here.  It was not an easy transition.  I have felt helpless in parenting Maeryn sometimes.  She is different from Jonah, obviously, and requires much attention and extra affection.  I am still trying to reach her. 


What books, films, etc., moved you?

Books:

The Nature Principle by Richard Louv

Films:

Into the Woods (it's always been my favorite musical.. maybe my favorite story)
Mary and Max


THE PRESENT:

How are you different from the way you were a year ago?

I understand a lot more about who I am.  Some of the parts are scary.  Some of the parts are confusing.  At least I know they're there now.  At least I'm admitting it to myself.  I'm not running from myself anymore.  I'm not running from painful things when the end result is more and better when it comes to relationship.  I'm trying hard to embrace the life-death-life cycle that is the way we must live.


How can you integrate the lessons of the past year?

Continue to explore internally even when it is painful.  Pull the weeds and cultivate the good plants - the ones that feed me and the people I love.  Never stop exploring - the world is infinite and so is the mind.


Is there anything you're trying to force into existence right now?  If so, what would happen if you stopped?

I'm trying to force the things I've learned into perfect and immediate manifestation.  If I stopped it's possible they would fade away.  I realize that I am clinging extremely hard... perhaps to stars. 

THE FUTURE:

What do you want to focus on in the coming year?

Loving people better.  Cultivating authentic and beautiful relationships.  Wading through the pain to the depth of the person.  Learning how to love and nurture the things I want to bloom in my life.

If you could sum up your desires and longings in one simple statement spoken from the highest aspect of yourself, what would it be?

To love.  To love genuinely and fully and beautifully and with a hint of perfection.