Monday, July 26, 2010
My husband is a songwriter. He's a musician.
Right now, he's in the living room writing a song.
I still think this is very romantic.
It's really NOT something that you get over after you get out of college. The musician songwriter guitar player guy is still hot. Talent is still a turn-on.
He's decided recently to take the music thing really seriously. I mean, we're in our thirties now and that's really old, right? (don't worry, I'm chuckling inside.)
He's making his first real recording the second and third weeks of August.
We've talked about how if this thing takes off it will mean more time away from me and us: the family. I get that. I'm a quality time person so that part will be hard and he knows it - but I really want him to be able to follow this dream.
So many of our dreams, and when I say OUR dreams I mean everyone's - like...the human race - so many of our dreams are thwarted because of time or money or circumstance and I think that if you have a chance to follow a dream of yours well then you'd better take it, because "opportunity is not a lengthy visitor" (I stole that quote from somewhere, but I couldn't tell you where at the moment) (Totally figured it out: Into the Woods - best. musical. ever - arguably).
So many things are tumbling around in our heads at the moment, but this musician thing seems like something we can pursue right now. And if it takes off, well then, RV year it is!
I've been taking matters into my own hands a bit - like setting him up a FB fan page and a myspace music page and whatnot. I'm hoping it's okay with him. It's what I would want someone to do for me if I ever really wanted to pursue something - help me get myself noticed. Do the things that I didn't have time for because I was busy actually DOING my dream. And yes, I've asked him if it's okay but he would tell me it was even if it wasn't because me being happy has always been the most important thing for him - even if I yell at him about it. I don't think that's going to change.
Him sitting in the living room writing music is what motivated me to write about him.
The past few weeks and months I've learned a lot about him and us and what love means exactly. I know it sounds strange since we recently celebrated our seven year anniversary, but for those of you who have been married much longer than we have, you already know that you never stop falling in love with the person you chose to be with for the rest of your life.
Love is truly a choice. And when you choose it, it's one you choose every single day. And when you choose to commit yourself to a person and they choose it right back well - there's not much that's more beautiful than that.
Whether he's gigging at coffeehouses here in Southern Maryland or if he gets super famous - either way or in between - we're a family and I can't help myself - I love my musician.
Every year at The Refinery we all choose a star from a basket (without looking!). Each star has written on it a Fruit of the Spirit. This is my third time to choose a star and this year my star was Love.
I was really happy to get it. It sort of gave me warm fuzzies. Like a Valentine from Jesus. Or something. I think I have been happier about this star than either of the others from the previous years, and so interesting in learning more about this particular fruit.
This year so far, I have discovered unschooling. I have learned to understand my children more and better. I have learned how to take care of myself (though I'm really REALLY still working on that one) and how to walk away from situations that are toxic. And I've learned about Michael. And about our relationship and what it means and what it is and how it's this beautiful living and breathing thing - breathing in, out, beating heart - this creation that is us together - one thing made from two separate entities.
I wish I could express what that feels like to those who are searching or those who are in a marriage that isn't working. What that commitment looks like. How when we fight there is never the fear that comes with "he might leave me now." For me, that's all been wiped away and we can see each other clearly.
I look back over my life and understand why I am here at this moment and with this person. How everything slipped into place at the appropriate times. And I am blessed beyond my wildest imagination.