Friday, February 25, 2011

Debt...and NOT debt.

We paid off The Mobile today!

It is an AMAZING feeling.

We paid off our car loan TWO YEARS early.

I'm stoked.

Now we are discussing toward what we will put our extra money per month.

Do we pay off my 40K school loan?  Or do we save like maniacs for a school bus by June!

Michael drew up amazing plans for a bus conversion, and several buses will be on sale for cheap at the end of the school year.  We have some contacts with transportation for the school system and if we work REALLY hard at saving and taking on all the odd jobs we can get our hands on, we might be able to do it!  Then we'd dump everything into paying down that horrifying school loan - we'll have to start making "real" payments on it in November.  Luckily, the debt is broken down into four separate loans that we can actually pay off one at a time, though the bill will come for $400 a month until we get rid of each one - then the price will be reduced appropriately as each debt is paid off.  I'm scared about the November debt, but excited about other possibilities.

Still working on total peace about giving up this house.

I really LOVE this house.  It is just a THING.  But there are memories and we have worked hard to make it OURS.  I know we can always get another house, but I'll miss the wall where we marked the heights of our children as they have grown, my little tech center in the kitchen, the colors of the walls, the fiery orange bathroom, all the ideas we had for this place, our cute little back yard and garden - I need to make peace with all of that.

When I think about the house and I pray about having peace, I really keep getting this picture of something I heard in a sermon a long time ago, about holding on desperately to a bag full of dog poop because you are afraid to let it go, while God is waiting in the wings with a handful of emeralds.  We cling to what we know because we like things how they are and we can't imagine how they could get better - but God ALWAYS knows what's best for us and I have GOT to trust that.

I've also been thinking about what this trip means when it comes to the things God has placed on my heart about unity in the church.  The books that have been slipped under my nose about where the church is headed, and where it needs to go.  I wonder how to put it all together.  I wonder what the future will bring.  I wonder what colors we'll paint our bus! is a GOOD day.  Paying off a huge debt feels amazing.  I can't imagine what it will feel like to pay off my school loan.  I'm drooling just thinking about it.  And the bus?  I'm so excited.  Terrified, and excited.  Author, Shane Claiborne, said something about knowing it's a God thing when our knees are knocking together with fear, but our hearts are filled with peace.  Our God is an AWEsome God.

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