Tuesday, May 29, 2012


I've been crying off and on all day.

Tears of fear, worry, joy, sadness, anger, anxiety, frustration and combinations of these.

I'm not hormonal.  Promise.  There are just so many things happening in my life that I'm not sure how to process everything without this emotional release.

We got an offer on our house.  We have a home inspection Monday.  The bus is NOT liveable yet - painted...but not liveable yet, and the buyers would like to close July 2.  Michael does not have another job.  He has not heard from his current job about changing his position to accomodate this journey.  We've talked about all sorts of options including cashing in the retirement and quitting (yes, we understand what this means).  There's so much going on.  The hand of God is so evident.  I am terrified.  Excited.  Anxious.  Mostly terrified. 

I remember reading Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne and lathing onto a quote that went something like this:  "If you're not quaking in your boots about the plan, it's probably not from The Lord."  Our Father is an adventurer.  He is not interested in "safe". 

I have felt confident in His plan for our family for the last year and looked forward to the manifestation of the plan for so long...now that it is happening it seems unreal.  Unbelievable.  Dangerous.  Affronting.  I want to run and hide.  I want to curl up in a little ball and weep.  And at the same time I know that in ten years I will look back on these days and be glad that we are making the choices we are making in spite of everything. 

It's how I've started looking at life.  In ten years, which decision will matter more.  It's made things a whole lot easier. 

We continue to covet your prayers.  (Is coveting okay when it's about prayers?)  We continue to Seek the Truth.  We continue to move forward on this journey. 

I don't know were The Lord is taking our family.  I don't know what will happen to us.  But I know that visions of me standing in the redwood forest happen pretty much every day - so I'm sure I'll get there.

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