I'm pissed off.
I admit it.
I want everything to work out the way I want it to and I want it to happen NOW.
And I read over that statement and understand that I am no more than a three year old in God's eyes, just wanting what I want, and have no real clue what the wider world is, and no really knowing what's best for me in the long term.
I get that I can't see the future. I GET it. But it's really hard to wait for something and have no idea if you're really waiting for nothing.
I can't imagine being Noah. The waiting. The trusting. The continuing to lay log after log after log, to follow pain-staking plans, to rally a family around him... for YEARS. More years than I will likely be on this planet. I CAN imagine how he felt:
Like me today.
The bus work is going SO slowly. Getting there is an arduous task with balancing Michael's job and the needs of our children and the loose ends we're tying up with no place to go.
Michael continues to hit dead ends with his employment situation.
We're working on Patchwork Veracity but it is slow going and we are re-thinking everything and we are filled with doubt about whether or not we should be wasting our time on something so consuming that might not even pan out.
I want to know the answers.
I want to know what the heck is going on.
I want to get out of here.
I feel claustrophobic. Penned in.
I don't have any other words to describe it.