Thursday, June 7, 2012

Noah and me.

I'm pissed off.

I admit it.

I'm angry.

I want everything to work out the way I want it to and I want it to happen NOW.

And I read over that statement and understand that I am no more than a three year old in God's eyes, just wanting what I want, and have no real clue what the wider world is, and no really knowing what's best for me in the long term.

I get that I can't see the future.  I GET it.  But it's really hard to wait for something and have no idea if you're really waiting for nothing.

I can't imagine being Noah.  The waiting.  The trusting.  The continuing to lay log after log after log, to follow pain-staking plans, to rally a family around him...  for YEARS.  More years than I will likely be on this planet.  I CAN imagine how he felt:

Frustrated.

Embarrassed.

Angry.

Like me today.

The bus work is going SO slowly.  Getting there is an arduous task with balancing Michael's job and the needs of our children and the loose ends we're tying up with no place to go.

Michael continues to hit dead ends with his employment situation.

We're working on Patchwork Veracity but it is slow going and we are re-thinking everything and we are filled with doubt about whether or not we should be wasting our time on something so consuming that might not even pan out.

I want to know the answers.

I want to know what the heck is going on.

I want to get out of here.

I feel claustrophobic.  Penned in.

ANGRY.

I don't have any other words to describe it.  

5 comments:

Midnight Magnolia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Midnight Magnolia said...

Just had to comment because this describes how I feel about trying to move to North Carolina. Praying and waiting and trying to be patient but just wanting to know whether or not it will all work out in the end. Know exactly what you want and how you want it to work out but trying to trust in the fact that God knows what is best for us. Totally the place I am at right now.

I'm praying for you guys. I want so badly for this to work out for y'all! I know there are great things ahead for you!

Midnight Magnolia said...

Wow, sorry for the double post! Not sure what happened!

Missy said...

No problem. I hope you guys can realize your dream super soon too!!!

Missy said...

Prayin' for you guys as well!

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