I've been spending a lot of time thinking - well...TRYING to think for the past few days.
It isn't that I don't think constantly on a regular basis, but I've been trying to be more intentional about it lately. Trying to live more intentionally in general. It's been an ongoing process since college, when some friends and I began Poets in the Pines: our very own Dead Poets Society, where we shared our writing and our life experiences along with the writing of several "dead poets" around an illegal campfire on college property in the woods. We vowed to "suck out all the marrow of life" and we talked sometimes about what that really meant. We wrote about it, and we tried to live it. I think that sometimes they got it better than me. I've never been able to truly live in the moment until recently. I'm training myself to enjoy where I am when I'm there.
One of my biggest struggles has been my bitterness when it comes to a jam-packed day as far as scheduling. A day when rushing is required to make it to everything on time.
I am having to learn that I have CHOSEN all of these things. These are things I scheduled into my day because I WANTED to do them.
This is teaching me two things:
1. To really think about something before I commit to doing it - do I REALLY want to spend my time in this place doing this particular thing at this time, or does it just sound good right now.
2. To ENJOY those things that I scheduled for myself or for my family.
Often I would be excited to do something, but when the day came be upset that I didn't have more down time or time for a hike with the family or time to run a few miles. I need to get over that, stat.
This weekend is chock full of stuff to do - but it is stuff that I wanted to do - that's why I said yes. Things my husband wanted to do - and so he said yes, and I need to be supportive of those choices as he has always been so amazingly supportive of mine.
This morning Michael went to a friends' house to practice for a music gig for tomorrow morning at a local church. I decided that I needed to not be a jerk, and be supportive. I needed to stop thinking about the fact that if he was home we could've gone swimming or hiking - it's a beautiful day- and focus on the fact that he's getting the opportunity to do something he loves. So... I filled up the bathtub in our room and dropped in some blue and green food coloring + a bunch of toys, put the kids in their bathing suits, and made the best of the morning.
(The tube in Jonah's mouth is his make-shift "snortle" from pieces of his old nebulizer.)
It was GOOD.
Tomorrow Michael has that gig in the morning and I hope to get a run in at some point and we have W;t and then strike for W;t. All good things. I'm not so happy we couldn't find a babysitting for W;t strike, but the truth is, we barely tried, so I can't be upset about it. We also don't have the cash to pay anyone to watch the kids, so life goes on. They'll probably have a great time.
Monday is Memorial Day (observed) and we have a super full day. Morning is relatively free, but then we're heading to a local organic farm with some friends for a few hours after Maeryn's nap, then to a party with more friends, and a Refinery meeting to finish out the night. It's going to be crazy... but we WANTED this, right?!