Thursday, September 27, 2012

Dealing with Envy.

It was only a few months ago that I made a comment about how I didn't understand why people were jealous of one another:  "Why can't they be happy for another person's good fortune or gift?" 

And then I was faced head on by the Green Eyed Monster, and I'm not sure I'm coping with her all that well.

I read a blog entry by a friend and fellow homeschooler about how they had just got an RV, and they were now leaving in it to tour the country. 

I felt...  slapped in the face.

Why was it so easy for them?

It seemed one day they were thinking about getting an RV and the next day they had one and the next day they were posting pictures from Utah.

I felt my throat close and my chest grow tight. 

I was angry.

I was so. jealous.

I couldn't even read the entire blog post about the fun they were having and the things they were learning.

It wasn't fair.  That was supposed to be OUR trip.

And then I understood, fully, what it meant to feel envious of someone.  I felt like my trip had been stolen from me.  Like our lives had been taken by another family who just made this decision on a whim.

And I still feel that way.

I pray for the strength to get over this bump in the road and shun the Monster for what she is: an ugly thing with no place in my life.  I long to be happy for this family of homeschooling Christians.

There is no reason any of us deserves anything.

All by the grace of God.  He gives.  He takes away.

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