President's Day Weekend: Volume Two

Saturday:

We grabbed breakfast and prepared for a trip to REI to get Jonah's hiking pack for his backpacking excursion with Michael this coming March on the AT.  We had lunch at Wawa on the way (the drive is about 1.5 hours).  I enjoy taking the kids to Wawa because they can practice reading and using the computer and they get to choose exactly what they want to eat, so there are no complaints.  They had turkey sandwiches with bacon, chips, and special drinks (Maeryn had apple juice with a Strawberry Shortcake lid and Jonah had a Kool-Aid Jammer).  Not the healthiest of lunches, but they enjoyed them, had a good time, and got something they wouldn't normally get to have at home (namely, the special drinks).  Jonah requested that we stock the fridge with Kool-Aid this summer.  I told him I'd give it some thought.

At REI things were a little crazy - both kids were so excited it was tough to concentrate on what, exactly, we were doing.  We did manage to outfit Jonah with an appropriately sized hiking pack.  We were also "cutsified" into getting a pack for Maeryn:  "It fits so perfectly!  And it's PURPLE!"

Yes, Maeryn is pantsless.

Jonah's bag is already packed.

In spite of the extra purchase, and the purchases of some freeze-dried food items, we managed to stay under budget for the trip, which is fantastic!

When we got home, we cleaned the house a bit and got ready for the local community theatre awards banquet - which is a pretty fancy affair.  I was excited - it's the only really fancy thing we do on an annual basis, and it's fun to surprise everyone with the fact that I actually do, on occasion, dress nicely.

Jonah snapped this picture.

We had so much fun at the banquet.  Michael won the award for best lighting designer and we had the rare opportunity to show off our swing dancing skills.  I'm sorry there's no picture of us cutting a rug; it was great to be back on the dance floor, in spite of the DJ's choice to play Sing, Sing, Sing first (it's a LONG song, and I am OUT of dancing shape, though I admit, it's one of the greatest songs of the era). 

Sunday:

This day was spent grocery shopping by Michael and the kids, and working on a low potassium menu for some friends by me.  I get obsessed with healing with foods - I can't help it.  It's something that I've found I'm passionate about - strange as it may sound.

After our separate dealings we headed to The Refinery as a family for band practice and worship gathering.  There was a potluck afterward - I brought my lentil soup and had the spectacular opportunity to try out some truly fantastic dishes by some of the other women of the Church.

At home we spent some time talking with Jonah about the RV.  He's had a lot of anxiety lately, and we found out it's because he's worried about what will happen to his possessions when we head out on the road.  He was thinking we would have to give everything away.  We explained that while we would be getting rid of some things, he would be able to choose several things to take with him in the RV and several things that we would store with our parents or friends for the year.  It seemed to take a great weight off of his shoulders.

Only one more day left in this truly lovely weekend - I wish it would never end!

Hoop School + Easy Cheesy Rice

Had a pretty epic day today after a string of pretty boring ones.  I couldn't stand being cooped up in the house any longer, so this morning, while Jonah was parked in front of Survivor Man and Maeryn was contentedly playing with blocks, I asked what they wanted to do.  Maeryn gave no answer.  I gave several choices.  Jonah said "nah" to everything.

So I said, "Okay, I'm choosing.  We're going on a hike."

There was some protest, I admit.

I brought clothes downstairs along with toothbrushes and other morning essentials.  Both kids reluctantly donned clothing and brushed teeth and chomped vitamins and we headed out the door.  It was 11 AM.

"I'm hungry."

"Me too."

"Okay - we're going out.  Where do you want to do?  You have four choices:  Panera Bread, Applebees, Burger King, or Bob Evans."

Jonah:  "NOT Panera Bread."

Me:  "Okay, Panera's out.  Maeryn, what would you like to eliminate, Applebees, Burger King, or Bob Evans?"

Maeryn:  "I want go to Applebees."

Me:  "Okay, where do you NOT want to go?"

Maeryn (crying):  "I WANT GO TO APPLEBEES!"

Me:  "Okay.  Maeryn wants to go to Applebees.  Jonah, where do you want to go?"

Jonah:  "I want Burger King.  I want to get a toy."

Me:  "You already have the toy they're giving out."

Jonah:  "Burger King anyway."

Maeryn:  "APPLE-BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!"

Me:  "Okay.  I'm thinking of a number between one and ten.  Maeryn - what number do you like?"

Maeryn:  "Ummm...four!"

Me:  "Okay, Jonah, pick a number between one and ten."

Jonah:  "Six!"

Me:  "The number was two.  We're going to Applebees."

There was some protest and some rejoicing.  Probably both a little over the top - but this is normal for my brood, so I talked Jonah down and explained that it was sort of mean to gloat about things to Maeryn and we headed to Applebees.  Got a SWEET parking space right next to the door and seated almost immediately.

The service was...  well...let's just say the ridiculous wait time for food, drinks, and everything else left a bit to be desired, but we all had fun choosing from the menu and ordering favorites, coloring on the kids' menu, filling out mad libs, figuring out puzzles, and playing the "box game" while we waited.  Maeryn even took advantage of the "potty" facilities!  We all shared a huge glass of water until the kids got their lemonades in kid cups, talked about our days and what we're into right now, and eventually gnoshed on our tasty food items (okay, Maeryn only ate her fries, but Jonah and I enjoyed EVERYTHING).

An hour later, we were back in the mobile and headed for hiking.  Jonah chose a new trail that we hadn't explored much before - a nature trail on the recreational annex of the nearby Naval Base.  It wasn't a very long trail, but the air was frigid and Maeryn isn't much for long distances... yet.

Jonah collected several gumballs from the snow-covered ground, Maeryn survived several face plants, including one that drew some blood on her wrist, for which she later received a Dora Band-Aid, which made it all worth it, and I managed to stay warm and enjoy the fresh air - briskness and all.  I LOVE hiking.

After the hike, we headed over to the outdoor swimming pool, complete with twisty slide, where the kids took lessons over the summer - they wanted to see what it looked like without water.  I admit, it was fun for me to see as well, as there was a blanket of snow at the bottom of each pool and it looked like a pretty amazing skate park for those who are avid on wheels.

Back at home, we waited for Michael to come back home, and he made burritos and hung out with the kids while I did some cardio in the bedroom.  Yeah, the whole idea of calling something "cardio" seems kind of weird to me - I'd rather just say "I went for a run" or "I'm going cycling" - but this was truly a workout straight out of the pages of a magazine, so I might as well call it like I see it.  It was a fifteen minute hard-core work-out that I LOVED.  I showered after and joined the fam for some burritos and specialty family recipe: Easy Cheesy Rice:

You will need:

2 cups whole grain rice
4 cups water (to be cooked with the rice, as directed on package)
1/2 cup shredded cheddar or Colby Jack cheese
1/2 cup salsa (your choice - we like the black bean variety)

-  Cook rice as directed on package.
-  Once rice is cooked thoroughly, reduce to low heat and stir in cheese and salsa until cheese is melted completely
-  Serve steaming with inside refried bean burritos or as a tasty side.

(For Jonah's dairy allergy, we add salsa first and stir, serve Jonah's helping, and then add the cheese for the rest of the fam.)

After dinner we hopped in the mobile and headed to the town square, where we got to see the town Christmas tree, and then we stopped at Lowes to pick up materials for hoops (can't call them "Hula Hoops"...the term is apparently patented).  Each of us made our very own and took turns "hooping it up" in the living room (the only room in the house remotely big enough).  Jonah is by far the best at the art of the hoop, followed closely by Michael, and well...I trail quite a ways behind, but I'm practicing!  (Maeryn slept through most of the ordeal, including the trip to Lowes, during which she was asleep in the cart.)
 

Run Reflection: Barefoot.

I have decided that in my training I am going to start only timing myself, and not worrying about how many miles I churn out.

I know this seems a little backward, but for me, it's really peaceful - calming.  It feels like the run is something that is in my jurisdiction, instead of something that is controlling me.

It also feeds my newish desire for more freedom in my life.  More places to go.  More things to see.

Yesterday I ran for twenty minutes.

I know.  It's not much.  It probably wasn't all that far - maybe two miles.  MAYBE.  But it was a really GREAT run.

Michael made tacos for dinner.  The kids got some time to chill.

I ran.

I hate my new running shoes.

Arch support is truly the devil.  I found myself wanting to rip that foamy piece right out of my shoes more than once.  Oh how I longed to be running barefoot!

I never thought I would be THAT kind of runner.  But...  I am.

After I got home to the comfort of my own yard I ripped the shoes from my feet, tore off my socks, and ran up and down the block once shoe and sockless, just to feel free again.

I am SO hoping for those Vibram Five Fingers for Christmas.  Anyone want to buy them for me?

One Less Car.

We sold the van a few days ago.

There were multiple reasons for this, mostly because we needed the money.

We have been continually digging a hole for our selves metaphorically when it comes to finances since I quit my job last May when Maeryn was born. It seems that every time we get back on track, some emergency rears it's ugly head and we're right back to square one.

The latest was surgery for Mozart, our cat, who now has a new owner (due to Jonah's horrific allergies) but we still have a huge medical bill. He was stuck with a blockage in his urethra and was unable to pee for a long period of time - poor guy. The vet said either we did the surgery or they put him down. Sorry. Couldn't make the choice for them to kill my cat because he had a kidney stone or whatever that was due to stress (we were away for the weekend and neglected to leave a radio or TV on).

Anyway, Mozart is with a friend now and probably much happier with Maeryn chasing him and pulling his tail and Jonah intentionally trying to scare him throughout the day - I know for a fact he's already had catnip and several other adventures, but we are down a significant amount of money.

Michael and I talked about it a lot and really, we are just sick of having less than $0 at the end of each pay period. It's beyond living paycheck to paycheck for us now. We were having to ask friends for help buying food.

My parents were ultra generous and gave me the funds to pay for my college loan for the next two months. I know they were hoping we would keep the van. It is very handy for long trips, hauling, and driving places with family and friends in one vehicle, but in the end, Michael felt it best to sell, and I had to agree with him.

With the money, we replenished our savings (it was holding at the $5 minimum balance so we could keep the account open), we will pay for our vacation, get some clothing for Michael for work (he was down to three dress shirts), some school clothes for the kids (Jonah is wearing last year's slightly too small stuff), move Maeryn to a toddler bed and Jonah to a big boy bed (tear), pay off the credit card we used to pay for Mozart's surgery, visit the doctor (well...I will be visiting the doctor for several maladies), get Jonah's wart treated (big and obnoxious on his toe), buy a new shower curtain for our bathroom (ours is quite the mildew retreat at present), finish building the backstairs (so that our slider goes somewhere instead of just to a clif like drop off), get a bike rack for the car (since we sold our bike hauler), and replace the carpet that was destroyed in the great basement flood of 2009.

I'd also like to get some grass in our backyard (it's just weeds and dirt). But that's beside the point of all of the above.

Thus far, Michael has been biking to work every day (which had been his custom anyway), so it doesn't matter much that the van has been sold to a better place (we hope).

I've been trying to get back in the running habit, but it's been tough to do. I made a schedule to swim every other day and run on the opposing days, but Michael has been in training this week, so swimming hasn't happened, and this evening I'm heading out to coffee with a friend, so running most likely won't happen either. Not a good situation. I MUST run tomorrow.

Meanwhile - I'm thrilled that we can afford to go on our Niagara Falls vacation (with stops in Philly and NYC) - and hoping that Michael gets on the ball getting our passport photos together and calling the hospital to get birth certificates for Jonah and Maeryn.

Ride to Uganda

So...our family's current project is below, please check it out and consider entering the event with a team!

www.macarts-md.org/uganda

dirty jeans

I haven't washed my jeans for quite some time. I think I've been wearing them four days now. They are sort of itchy.

I remember this one time in college, my friend Keith didn't wash his jeans for three weeks. We all told him how gross he was and he told us how we didn't know what we were missing because they were so soft and comfy.

I'm thinking you can probably go to the extreme with anything...

But I just read the Irresistible Revolution so I'm all revved up about social justice and action and whatnot.

Michael hasn't read it yet, but he's heard me rant and rave for the last three days and we're seriously thinking of selling our house and getting an RV. Then just heading out on a God journey all over the place just loving on people. Michael just quitting his job. Using the cash from the sale of the house and just trusting God to take care of us when the money runs out.

Most people will say this is irresponsible, foolish, and more. According to the book, that's a pretty good indication we're doing the right thing.

We're looking into health insurance for the kids and things of that nature.

The thing that's hard about this whole thing is that I have this part of myself clambering for my children to have a "normal" American childhood, which is basically pretty selfish, but I'm scared of going that far outside the norm - for their sake more than anything.

But going out, doing this thing - they will learn more than hanging around our house and never seeing that there are people with less than us. It's not real to them.

Maeryn's a little too small to get it right now, but Jonah is ripe for understanding such things.

Michael is out running six miles right now.

I haven't done a thing this week to stay in shape. Hoping to get in a thirty mile ride sometime this week, though the week is pretty packed.

If you're reading this, please pray that God will direct us in the ways we need to change our life as a family to be Jesus to the world.

And then you've killed someone...

This past Saturday a cyclist was killed on a major road near our home.

The driver was driving a blue Mazda. He was not intoxicated. He was driving northbound. The cyclist was traveling south. He crossed four lanes of traffic and into the shoulder, killing a man on a tri bike on impact. At least...I hope it was on impact. They posted pictures on the local internet newspaper. Mostly of the car with the sickening outline of the dead cyclist in the smashed windshield. There were only a few pictures of the literally shredded bike.

The cyclist was on a bike that cost 4K. He was wearing gear and a helmet. He was riding a triathlon time trial bike.

He was riding on one of the widest shoulders in the county. A cycling mecca for road bikers.

The same shoulder my husband pulled the trailer toting our two kids on only hours before alongside friends with their children, and some solo riders.

The same shoulder he and I rode together that evening, and were somewhat annoyed that we were detoured around some car accident.

"Must've been a bad one, for them to close off the road." we muttered to ourselves, cursing the fact that we had to take other, less convenient roads and couldn't do our originally planned out and back route of 23 miles. We settled instead for a hard 19. Michael and the kids had already done 23 that morning with our cycling club while I was at an audition for the show I'm directing north of here...

Michael and the kids rode on the same patch of road where the cyclist was killed.

It's something that I've had a very hard time wrapping my head around.

When I heard about the accident, I choked up - as though I'd lost a dear friend.

I didn't know the man. Never even heard of him, but it still felt like a family member had passed away.

Tragedy in a community of enthusiasts is painful for everyone involved.

I never understood how people could get so upset over the death of a celebrity. Someone they didn't even know. Someone they had never met in person.

And here I am - someone I know even less about - all I know is that we share a common interest - and I am in mourning.

I find myself terrified that I will be in an accident.

I find myself playing that accident over and over in my head - an accident about which I only know the aftermath - putting myself in the man's place. Imagining what that must have been like. Did he have time to think about anything before he passed from this world to the next?

I find myself questioning everything. My faith, my values, the way I spend my time. I want a do-over. I want to pour out my brain and start fresh with a new model.

Today was so stressful and anxiety ridden for me for several reasons, but one of the biggest issues was me pondering my own mortality.

I've found that since I've lived in Maryland it is common for me to face a life or death situation in my vehicle on a daily basis. Back when I lived in PA that wasn't an issue. I think I was honestly really cut off in traffic only once or twice the entire time I drove there.

Here, I am in a near accident on a daily basis. Usually at least once every time I go out somewhere.

Today, a woman drifted into my lane and I had to stop the van so there was no collision. On another trip out today, someone pulled out right in front of me and I was forced to think fast and change lanes.

Now that I'm aware of things, I see scary driving all around me. People who don't seem to know or care that someone was just killed by a wreckless driver.

When I was teaching, another teenager died every year. EVERY year someone was killed from the high school. Some years, more than one teenager. Just this year two kids died within three weeks of one another from that very school. One girl was at a complete stop and a woman blew threw a stop sign and slammed into her, right into the driver's side of the car, dragging the girl's truck fifty feet from a dead stop.

Everything seems so insane. The times I drove like an idiot to get somewhere just a minute faster - it really wasn't worth it.

I am sure, now, to check the shoulder for cyclists before I move there to pass that person turning left (which is legal in Maryland with some stipulations most motorists probably don't even know about). But really, where is it actually safe to ride?

I guess the answer is no where.

It's always a risk to go outside. It's always a risk to wake up in the morning. Does that mean that we stop doing it? Does the risk of death mean the stoppage of living? Sometimes I feel it's what I should do.

Close the curtains, hide beneath the covers, let the days slip away while I doze fittfully, waiting for the Lord to come back in the clouds...probably starving to death in the process...

Life is a risk. You don't really get a choice about it. You come into the world screaming because you've been forced into the only race that ponders its own mortality.

Still Awake...

It's 2338 and I'm still awake.

I have a four year old and a 14 month old...and I'm still awake.

This is somewhat insane.

My son is going fishing with my dad tomorrow morning.

We're in PA hanging out with my parents for the Fourth of July weekend.

I'm glad we came, even though I'm super stressed because I've overbooked myself - as is my usual M.O. I'm working on it though, really I am. Sarcasm is implied, but I really am working on it!

Today was a crazy day. I'm totally fried - should be sleeping about three hours ago according to my current level of tired. We went to South Park (near my parents' house) to the Wild Game Preserve and Jonah got to feed the ducks, well...the carp. We only had Animal Crackers, not bread, and the ducks weren't interested, but the carp were totally into anything new, it seemed, and new was not bread. We also got to see a turtle and several buffalo kept in the preserve. Very cool park. If anyone is ever in the South Pittsburgh area, check out South Park. Tons of bike and ped trails, wild game preserve, wave pool, kids' pool, easy hiking, several ponds and picnic areas, playgrounds, go-carts, and more. Very cool place. Also a huge sledding hill open in winter to anyone and everyone with a sled and some courage - the hill is pretty wicked looking.

After South Park we checked into BK for veggie burger meals for the hubby and me and chicken + a burger for the respective kids. Dad came and grabbed a Whopper. After Mom got home from work we headed out to Cabelas. Dad has a bunch of free money from using his Cabelas cerdit card - so he told everyone to grab anything they wanted under 50 bucks. I got some zip-off cargo pants - I've wanted them FOREVER. They are pretty nice - summer only - super light weight and rain resistant. Lots of huge pockets. I'll need to get another pair for winter, but anything I don't have to pay for is GREAT. Michael will have to hem them for me. Everything Cabelas comes unhemmed. I don't sew. Michael does. A regular tailor, he is.

After that we headed to Cracker Barrell and grabbed some chow. I got the veggie plate - so did Michael and Maeryn. Jonah got chicken and fries. It's tough to get the little guy to eat his veggies. Good food all around. Jonah and Dad played checkers awhile. Good times.

I was beat when we got home. Totally didn't go for a run with Michael even though I really should have - kind of hoping for a ride tomorrow morning..

So why am I still awake?

The Tour de France: A Look Back - is on Versus. Michael is the cycling guy in our family, but I'm working on my own title as at least cycling chick...

Hope everyone gets outside tomorrow for the 4th! If you get the station, tune in to the Tour de France!

Run Reflection

As a stay at home mom who does some acting and writing on the side, I've found that one of my biggest struggles is with guilt. Even though I spend all day with my children, I feel guilty sacrificing family time to my hobbies or to my health - which, depending upon whom you ask, are equally necessary for the one to be sustained. I have tried to learn, and to put into practice, a philosophy of well-being for myself so that I can continue to have the energy to maintain my family.

I've made some mistakes along the way, including committing to direct a show at a theatre an hour north of our home, which will have me away from home about four hours an evening three nights a week. This was mistake I will not make again soon. I need to learn to take decisions more seriously and not let flattery get the better of me. I've got to be confident enough in my own abilities and values so as not to let anything stand in the way of my goals for life and God's plan that may well thwart them.

Either way, what I've been aiming to get to here is that I run. I also cycle but prefer to do it with friends thus far. I swim alone, but it's a pain to drive somewhere to work out even though I prefer the water to any other element. I run by myself. I go out the door and I run. The farthest I've gone is 5.2 miles. I did my first 5K in March.

I got into running to lose baby weight after Maeryn. I wanted to debunk the myth that Mummy Tummy is non-negotiable. I still have one a year later, albeit much smaller. I do think I'll pull off washboard abs without plastic surgery yet, but it's still up for discussion since I haven't noted any protruding abdominal muscles overshadowing my stretch marks yet.

I've been in and out of the running habit. Life will sometimes get in the way of fitness, normally in the form of theatre or illness. We had a run on illnesses in our family following the 5K that pretty much screwed my goal of running a half marathon at the end of the summer in VA Beach. I'm okay with that. For me, running is more of a spiritual exercise. Expect a lot of entries titled simply "run reflection" on this blog. I think it's important to have adventures as a family, but I also think it's important to have adventures as yourself.

Last night, Michael and I watched Into the Wild, our latest mailing from Netflix. We both left the TV room feeling a little sick over the whole story. We hadn't read the book beforehand or done any research and neither of us had ever heard of Chris McCandless before. Our experiences concerning anyone with that surname had to do with theatrical lighting theory. In short, neither of us knew he was going to die at the end. We knew it was based on a true story, but we didn't know the ending. We both sort of expected him to walk out of Alaska unscathed, or for someone to find him while he was paralyzed and shrivled and bring him to medical attention somewhere. I hated the movie last night.

Today I feel a little differently.

It was based on a true story, so Sean Penn didn't have much choice when it came to the ending. But now, I'm not sure it could have ended any other way. Would Chris go back to his parents? Truly? After all of that, just return to his family and attempt some semblence of normal life? I don't see how it would be possible to deal with such a materialistic society after doing without it for so long. I suppose, though, human beings can adapt to anything.

Today's run was a prayer as I scampered through the bug-infested, muddy, powerline track.

I've been feeling restless for years now. Maybe my entire life. To me, Christianity isn't very genuine if we sit in our suburban townhomes and buy food at McDonalds and race on our Treks and watch the SuperBowl on our plasmas and send a monthly check to Compassion International and our local church. It's hard for me to get my mind around what I'm supposed to do, but it can't continue to go on quite this way. I love my family. I love many parts of my life. I love what my church service, The Refinery, is doing in the world - or at least what we WANT to be doing, but I can no longer simply sit here twiddling my thumbs while the world goes to hell around me.

But what does that mean for a stay at home mom with overdue bills who is scrimping for meals but is too "wealthy" to qualify for food stamps?

Watching Chris McCandless burn his money and send his life savings to charity seemed to me like watching someone exit an exoskeleton that was simply too small. But how does that work for a mom of two small children who loves them and her husband much more than life and materials and who loves everything a whole lot more than money?